First things first, thank you, friends, for your genuine concern for me. I don't agree with your methods but I received the message that you care about me and are willing to invest in my future in some way. Thank you to the one who prays for my future marriage and husband. I'm grateful that I make it into your prayers. Thank you to the ones who want to see me with a good person and even offered suggestions. I'm sorry that I don't have a "type" to help you narrow down the most eligible bachelor. Most important of all, thank you for also showing interest in other areas of my life that isn't my relationship status. This is why we're still friends.
Next, the best way to care for me is to spend quality time with me. Yes, I get lonely sometimes because it's harder to make friendships than it is to date. In the five years I lived in this city, I haven't succeeded in making any close friends here. I'm coping but don't mistake it for strength and independence. I still need you.
Finally, I'm not trying to get married and you must respect my decision. If I marry, I marry. If I don't, I don't. A lot of people think they have enough marriage experience to convince me how wonderful marriage can be. Even if they have the experience, most have not experienced non-dating singleness long enough to make comparisons to marriage. We all know a pastor or leader that got married when he was 22 and somehow always gets to teach or say something about singleness. Disillusionment is real and we don't need anymore people around us to offer false hope about singleness and marriage. Both are good and both are extremely difficult in their own ways.
Ten years ago, you could call me foolish for thinking this way. Along the way, I decided that I didn't care to spend any more time on wondering whether marriage is part of my future. I have other longings in my life and I didn't want to keep waiting around for something that was no longer a priority. Someone once asked me if I pray about my future husband or about my struggles as a single woman. They were shocked to learn that I don't. I would never pray about a future husband. That's a really strange concept to me. As for the struggles I face as a single woman, most of it are not directly attributed to my marital status as single. I consider loneliness and dealing with sexuality to be things most people struggle with, married or not. Any pain from being unmarried is intensified by the lack of support by those around me. Just because I embraced singleness, it doesn't mean that the world will suddenly change to include me.
All I know is that in this moment and in this season of my life, this is what I prefer. Who knows what I'll want in a year or two from now. If you're still worried about me, let me assure you that I do occasional check-ins with myself to make sure I'm still okay about living this way. They usually go like this:
"La, do you still like being unmarried?"
"Yeah, it's hard but I enjoy it a lot. I think I'll make it through this season. Ask me again in a couple of months."
Ten years ago, you could call me foolish for thinking this way. Along the way, I decided that I didn't care to spend any more time on wondering whether marriage is part of my future. I have other longings in my life and I didn't want to keep waiting around for something that was no longer a priority. Someone once asked me if I pray about my future husband or about my struggles as a single woman. They were shocked to learn that I don't. I would never pray about a future husband. That's a really strange concept to me. As for the struggles I face as a single woman, most of it are not directly attributed to my marital status as single. I consider loneliness and dealing with sexuality to be things most people struggle with, married or not. Any pain from being unmarried is intensified by the lack of support by those around me. Just because I embraced singleness, it doesn't mean that the world will suddenly change to include me.
All I know is that in this moment and in this season of my life, this is what I prefer. Who knows what I'll want in a year or two from now. If you're still worried about me, let me assure you that I do occasional check-ins with myself to make sure I'm still okay about living this way. They usually go like this:
"La, do you still like being unmarried?"
"Yeah, it's hard but I enjoy it a lot. I think I'll make it through this season. Ask me again in a couple of months."
In case you're wondering, I'm doing okay, but I don't mind a phone call or a text message telling me you're thinking about me.
First things first, thank you, friends, for your genuine concern for me. I don't agree with your methods but I received the message that you care about me and are willing to invest in my future in some way. Thank you to the one who prays for my future marriage and husband. I'm grateful that I make it into your prayers. Thank you to the ones who want to see me with a good person and even offered suggestions. I'm sorry that I don't have a "type" to help you narrow down the most eligible bachelor. Most important of all, thank you for also showing interest in other areas of my life that isn't my relationship status. This is why we're still friends.
Next, the best way to care for me is to spend quality time with me. Yes, I get lonely sometimes because it's harder to make friendships than it is to date. In the five years I lived in this city, I haven't succeeded in making any close friends here. I'm coping but don't mistake it for strength and independence. I still need you.
Finally, I'm not trying to get married and you must respect my decision. If I marry, I marry. If I don't, I don't. A lot of people think they have enough marriage experience to convince me how wonderful marriage can be. Even if they have the experience, most have not experienced non-dating singleness long enough to make comparisons to marriage. We all know a pastor or leader that got married when he was 22 and somehow always gets to teach or say something about singleness. Disillusionment is real and we don't need anymore people around us to offer false hope about singleness and marriage. Both are good and both are extremely difficult in their own ways.
Ten years ago, you could call me foolish for thinking this way. Along the way, I decided that I didn't care to spend any more time on wondering whether marriage is part of my future. I have other longings in my life and I didn't want to keep waiting around for something that was no longer a priority. Someone once asked me if I pray about my future husband or about my struggles as a single woman. They were shocked to learn that I don't. I would never pray about a future husband. That's a really strange concept to me. As for the struggles I face as a single woman, most of it are not directly attributed to my marital status as single. I consider loneliness and dealing with sexuality to be things most people struggle with, married or not. Any pain from being unmarried is intensified by the lack of support by those around me. Just because I embraced singleness, it doesn't mean that the world will suddenly change to include me.
All I know is that in this moment and in this season of my life, this is what I prefer. Who knows what I'll want in a year or two from now. If you're still worried about me, let me assure you that I do occasional check-ins with myself to make sure I'm still okay about living this way. They usually go like this:
"La, do you still like being unmarried?"
"Yeah, it's hard but I enjoy it a lot. I think I'll make it through this season. Ask me again in a couple of months."
Ten years ago, you could call me foolish for thinking this way. Along the way, I decided that I didn't care to spend any more time on wondering whether marriage is part of my future. I have other longings in my life and I didn't want to keep waiting around for something that was no longer a priority. Someone once asked me if I pray about my future husband or about my struggles as a single woman. They were shocked to learn that I don't. I would never pray about a future husband. That's a really strange concept to me. As for the struggles I face as a single woman, most of it are not directly attributed to my marital status as single. I consider loneliness and dealing with sexuality to be things most people struggle with, married or not. Any pain from being unmarried is intensified by the lack of support by those around me. Just because I embraced singleness, it doesn't mean that the world will suddenly change to include me.
All I know is that in this moment and in this season of my life, this is what I prefer. Who knows what I'll want in a year or two from now. If you're still worried about me, let me assure you that I do occasional check-ins with myself to make sure I'm still okay about living this way. They usually go like this:
"La, do you still like being unmarried?"
"Yeah, it's hard but I enjoy it a lot. I think I'll make it through this season. Ask me again in a couple of months."
In case you're wondering, I'm doing okay, but I don't mind a phone call or a text message telling me you're thinking about me.
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Thursday, November 14, 2019
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singleness
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